Takin' Hostage today...what did you do??

So pretty crazy day today. Yes I know I say that almost everyday, but today was the most intense day so far. We came in the classroom this morning and there was a sense of tension already present right from the start. Robin, the facilitator of the training here got up and read an e-mail from a missionary couple that was previous missionaries that came through this same program. Their e – mail stated a tragedy that has just happened during a hike up a mountain. Long story short, they were mugged the husband beaten and the wife raped and beaten. Right after that Robin gave us specific instructions and we when right into a real life scenario where we were in the middle of a rebel war and we were hiding in an attic (this being in the basement of the training facility, in a cardboard boxed in room about 8 by 8, and about 5 feet tall. This with about 15 people in this scenario. It was hot, dark, and very cramped. There was loud noise of machine guns, bombs, sirens, then every once in a while the rebels would make patrols of the area, and we would have to be completely silent. During this time there were opportunities for a small number of people to be evacuated. We had to figure out who should go and who should stay. There was a proposition of two more missionaries and three nationals needing somewhere to hide, with not being sure if the nationals could be trusted since no one knew them, and the issue of food, and space, and our own safety. Then we heard the evacuation fell through and now the rebels had decided that they were going to execute two of us so they would get the attention of the US to send ransom money. We had to decide who would be executed. 4 people volunteered, myself being one of them due to the fact o was single and had no significant other. Only two were to go so we picked numbers between one and one hundred. I was not chosen. There was one other single girl, and own husband that were chosen. When they came to get the two the leader of our group surprisingly was resistant and when they asked for the two he kept saying “we are on, we are one” they grabbed him and took him out and we heard LOUD gunshots. They killed him. Then they came for the other two, they grabbed them and then… more gunshots.
This is when I lost it. Then the scenario was over.
This lasted for about 45 minutes. It was highly emotional and I did not realize the thoughts that were possible in the “after shock” of this experience.

But so much about this was good! I am glad I could experience this. It was needed. It was hard and I am sill processing much of this. But I have been blessed to have this brought into reality for me, and realize some of the reactions that I had during and after it that has helped me “learn me” a bit more.

All I could do at the end of this was pray. Pray that the Lord would prepare my heart further for me to be prepared in any season to handle this. And by handle I mean be honoring to Him, to not question his ability to protect, or to question why, but embrace Him and look to him for strength, wisdom, and comfort. This is my prayer!

Crazy day. I know I did not express my feelings well or explain all that happened, but I am having a hard time figuring it all out myself right now.

Can you please pray that the Lord speaks to me and I take all that he is trying to show me through this?

Thank you family! I love you and miss you all more today. I am blessed to be Alive, and serving my Lord so freely! May we try not to take that for granted!